August 1, 2011
Today is not just the start of another month--it's the start of one of the hottest months of the year here in Oklahoma.
This mornin' I got to go back to sleep for a bit after doin' my prayers and Bible readin'. I woke up a little after daylight, and went out to check on everyone and feed, so I got the buckets ready. When I called Bandy, he just stood over past the trailer and looked at me. I shook the bucket and whistled, but he had no interest in comin' to his feed pan.
Well, heck. I couldn't just put the food in and hope that he would come eat it, 'cause Shekinah might take it away from him.
I walked over to him, holdin' out a handful of sweet feed. He came up and ate it, but when I tried to lead him by his halter, he planted his feet and said, "Nope--not gonna do it."
I mumbled under my breath, "I love my horse, I love my horse, I love my horse......"
You get the idea.
I petted him, talked sweetly--no deal. I fed him another handful, then just thought, for cryin' out loud, what am I gettin' frustrated for? It's not like I have a heavy schedule today.
So, I held the bucket under his nose, and he began to eat. I just stood there pettin' and lovin' on him. I spoke gently in his ears, tellin' him how proud I was that he was lettin' me touch him on his back and sides--especially his blind side, which used to send him into freak out mode when I first got him last year. When I first got him, any attempt to go on his blind side would scare him so bad I always had to be ready to dive outta his way. After a year of patience, usin' alternative therapies, and just prayin' over the little goof--he allows me to pet his blind side all the way to his flanks and slap his rump as I walk off. I can even pick up his feet to inspect them. He trusts me a lot nowadays, but he still has a stubborn streak a mile wide when he decides I want him to do somethin' he's not certain he'll like.
Hmmm....sounds like me and God....
We stood there for a time, me holdin' the bucket, him munchin' feed. I had my arm draped over his neck, and sorta leaned into him. Every now and then he would take his nose out of the bucket and scratch his nose on my sleeve--or else he was usin' me for a napkin--not sure.
I'm not certain how long we stayed like that--but I know that I needed that moment of just 'bein'. I had been spendin' so much time lately dwellin' on 'stuff' (you know what I mean--we all got 'stuff'), that I hadn't really relaxed, even when I was restin'.
I recently had a situation end that had been eatin' away at my peace of mind for a year. I had been tryin' to get someone outta my life for a long time--even goin' as far as askin' Preach and others at my church for guidance on how to end a relationship that had become toxic.
I became aware that in the past few years I kept findin' myself in 'friendships' with these types of people. The question of why was foremost in my thoughts, so I finally went to the Lord and simply asked Him,
"Father--my friend Eleanor tells me that whenever a situation keeps occurrin' in my life, that You are tryin' to teach me a lesson, and that I will KEEP goin' through that situation until I LEARN that lesson. I get that--I do. I understand that there is somethin' important that you need me to learn. No problem, Father.
However, can we just face the fact that I am on 'the short bus', and that I need a simpler way of learnin'? In other words, Father--THAT STILL SMALL VOICE AIN'T WORKIN'!
So--since I am obviously a 'pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night' kinda gal--could You just TELL me what You are tryin' to teach me, so we can AVOID any further repetition of this particular lesson? PLEASE?"
I waited, and then, very gently, I felt two words in my spirit.
Couldn't I just walk on water, raise the dead, UNSCRAMBLE AN EGG, somethin' simple like that?
Yeah--I got trust issues.
It's not God's fault. It's not even the fault of the folks who have hurt me in my life.
I have the choice of lettin' the past affect my life, just like you do. Unfortunately, many of us decide to choose to keep hold of those hurts. We allow our faith in God to be colored by things that people have done. Yeah--that's the choice I had been makin' for a while.
So, there I was, prayin' for a clarification to the lesson He's been tryin' to get into my head. And I get the answer. So, I embrace this knowledge and immediately begin trustin' the Lord in every situation.
What? You BELIEVED me? ARE YOU NUTS?
I was worse than Bandy when he doesn't wanna do somethin' I want him to do. I fought God over this like a fish on a hook!
I had to come to the realization that God does not need MY help in fixin' the problems in my life, in fact, I can actually DELAY His work in my life when I 'help' Him. Come on--any mom who has had her little ones 'assist' her in household chores knows what I'm talkin' about. However, unlike that little kid who learns by trial and error how to be a help--WE need to learn to just trust God and let Him tell us how to proceed.
Well, since I have NO desire to repeat these lessons I have been goin' through--I finally said, "Okay, Father--I trust You. I got no IDEA what You have in mind for me, but I TRUST YOU."
I'm doin' it. It ain't easy--but I'm doin' it.
Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
I have discovered the secret of that verse. It is to keep my mind STAYED, or FOCUSED, on God. If I stay focused on Him--then I am gonna be payin' attention to whatever He will have to say to me, either through His word, or in my spirit.
I am findin' that doin' this 90 Day Extreme Bible Reading program is helpin' a lot. I am also readin' everything I can get my hands on by Christian authors, and I'm wearin' out my CD player listenin' to teachin' lessons.
I am basically 'returnin' to my first love'--goin' back to where I started in my Christian faith, before I had any 'traditional church teachin' that short circuited my belief in the ability of God to run my life much better that I ever could. I'm not slammin' traditional churches--I'm talkin' about 'traditions' that, as it says in Matthew 15:6, ..."makes the commandment of God of no effect."
In other words, when folks tell you that what God's word says ain't really what it says.
Wow--and Preach says HE has spiritual ADD! I dunno where THAT rabbit came from, but I chased it.
Well, anyway--Bandy and I had a good long time of just 'bein' this mornin', until I realized that I had yet to feed Fancy and Shekinah--and those two ladies were NOT happy with this little bondin' session that was delayin' their breakfast! I've had to make it up to those two ever since...
Well, I got chores. Later ya'll.
© 2011 by Evelyn Edgett